Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Confessions of a polyphobic

Posted by Dawn Dalton on 5:56 PM

I've been battling the wickedest cold I've ever had these past few days, soothing myself with tea and my Grandpa's honey, ice cream (the cure-all for everything), and long, hot showers.

Which has meant coming to terms with one of my greatest fears.

Don't laugh.

I'm terrified that the tub is going to fall through the floor WHILE I am lathering my head with shampoo and singing Britney Spears off key.

Okay, laugh.

I know it's irrational, especially since my husband is in construction and has told me a thousand times why it won't happen. But our house is old, like 100 years old, old. The caulking around the tub is coming off, and I can tell water is seeping behind the walls.

What if it's seeped UNDER the tub and weakened the second floor wood?

Seriously, I don't know how my stepdaughter manages those 45-minute showers. Every second I'm standing in the tub feels like Russian Roulette. If I stay for one more minute will THAT be THE minute the floor gives way and sends me crashing to the creepy, cellar-like basement below? *shudder*

I Googled "fear of bathtub falling through floor" and it turns out there's no official phobia for that. But as it turns out, I'm a bit of a polyphobic, which means having fears of many things.

In the spirit of Halloween, I'll just note the ones of import:

Arachnaphobia (fear of spiders) - I've tamed this fear somewhat since moving out to the country, something about a dozen or more wolf spiders hanging from your eavestroughs will do that.

Coulrophobia (fear of clowns) - Thank you Stephen King for Pennywise. Clowns will get me every time - Halloween or not.

Musophobia (fear of mice) - A few years ago, my stepdaughter had two mice for pets. I got overruled. They mated. Guess what? The babies can slip THROUGH the cage. I spent months walking on my tip toes, listening for scuttling among the rafter, wielding my baseball bat like Babe Ruth. Mice have a lot of freaking babies.

Chiroptophobia (fear of bats) - Mice with wings. Need I say more?

Herpetophobia (fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things) - There is not a single snake - fake or otherwise - in my Halloween decor. And there never will be. I am still traumatized from elementary school. My "crush" was walking me home when a snake slithered across our path. I screamed. Jumped OVER the snake. Jumped back over it again (hey, I was really scared), and then sprinted home. He, uh, never asked me out. Go figure.

Acrophobia (fear of heights) - Of COURSE my Dad would be an electrical lineman. And of COURSE he thought it was cool to show up at my school and take me and friends up in the bucket truck. Form of cruelty, that's what THAT was.

Dentophobia (fear of dentists) - Not just on Halloween, but especially after. I'd rather crawl through a rat, spider and snake-infested tunnel than sit in the dentist's chair. No joke.

Geniophobia (fear of chins) - ha ha! Okay, I'm lying. It just struck me as funny that there is actually a phobia for this...

So, 6 sleeps until Halloween. What are YOU afraid of?

- Dawn

P.S. Following the Crossroads Blog Tour? Go here for today's clue. Today, I'm over at Kid Lit Frenzy  talking about my husband's idea of the perfect Halloween costume. Lucky for me, he had a change of heart. He picked up a couple for us today (since I'm sick!) and I admit, I'm a little giddy over them. Can't tell...you'll have to wait!


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